Showing posts with label sorrow. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sorrow. Show all posts

Some Days, We Nap Together (What Tragedy Demands of Us)


Some days, after working in my office all morning and eating a quick lunch at my desk, my body grows heavy and slow and my thoughts turn to molasses.  With just an hour left before the first child arrives back home, before I leave to work an evening shift at the library, I close my laptop, grab my phone and head for my office door.  My dog, Coco, half-sleeping in her corner chair, lifts her head, then jumps down and follows me outside across the blacktop soaked with sunlight, up the back steps, and into the big house. 

Inside, I pause while we each get a drink of water – her at her metal bowl and me at the vintage water fountain near our kitchen door.  Then, I grab a blanket or beach towel – whichever is warm enough and near at hand – and head into the winter room where the wood stove sits heavy in the corner, squat and round, a cast iron Buddha.  Coco follows at my heels and watches patiently as I hunt one room, then another, in search of our sole throw pillow. 

Pillow in hand, I lay down in the same position, always.  Pressing the pillow into one end of our old, leather love seat, I lay down on my right side, curling my long legs to fit on the too-short sofa.  Coco watches with patience and focus as I spread the blanket or towel over myself, then stick my legs out straight off of the couch, offering a pathway to the pocket of empty space at the far end. 

I pat the leather with my hand, twice.  Coco pauses, very still, and looks me in the eye, double-checking her permission.  “Come on, Coco,” I say and up she jumps, then turns and settles in the corner.  I bend my legs again and tuck in around her, careful to keep from bumping her muzzle with my feet.  The warmth of her soft, sweet body adds to my own and we sleep, tucked together, her head resting on my ankles. 

Her presence, as I rest, is pure gift.  The gift of quiet, undemanding companionship; the gift of with-ness that cannot be measured save for the way it softens and steadies the human heart. 

She wakes, when I wake and shift.  Or, sometimes, too warm and close for comfort, she hops down before the nap gets under way.  Some days, if I'm lucky, our handsome black cat notices our napping nest and jumps down from his solitary leather chair and comes purring along into my arms.  On those days, the cat settles opposite the dog, in the space in front of my chest.  Together, we form a sort of yin-yang arrangement of fur and flesh, the cat in front of me, the dog behind.  

//

I experience a profound goodness during these naps, which may seem a small thing amidst all the world’s evils and sorrows, not to mention my own small entanglements.  But I am wondering whether tragedy really demands the trivializing of such moments of beauty, wonder, and grace – moments when the human soul stretches and softens, relaxed and at ease?

Perhaps tragedy and sorrow, worry and fear, require instead, that we linger and luxuriate in these moments.  Maybe Love itself invites us to spread them out wide for the world to see or to tuck them in somewhere safe, like a golden leaf in fall noticed, gathered, and pressed between the pages of a book where it can be rediscovered time and again in the long winter months ahead. 

I love these moments with the dog, the cat; they are precious to me and I cannot pass them off as something less than mercy and grace.  Evil is never defeat by casting what is precious aside.  Evil is defeated when we gently welcome, gather and share what is good and holy and true.  In this way light and life and love are born and borne and multiplied in our midst. 

The world is a heavy and troubled place.  It is also riddled through with mercy, grace and love.  In these days of naming darkness, let us remember also to gather and spread the Light we're given, casting it high and wide, like a million stars lighting up the night.



 Coco and I sharing a little pre-nap love. 

Where are you finding Mercy, Grace and Love these days??

Open Heart : A Sneak Peak and a Giveaway (#SmallWonder link-up)


This is it, friends, Monday, Nov. 7 "Chicken Scratch: Stories of Love, Risk & Poultry" officially launches into the world.  It's exciting and a little bit scary and so, in honor of that, I want to share an excerpt from the book - a story about love and risk, pain and joy.  Enjoy and when you're done reading scroll down to see my free launch-day giveaways.


*   *   *


Cold winds and thunderstorms settled into the area over the weekend.  Saturday came and went in a fog of post-birthday-party exhaustion, and the sunny morning turned dark and windy by late afternoon.  In the morning, our sleepy kids stayed inside playing on the Wii, and I walked down to the fence, hoping to talk awhile with our neighbor Ann. 

I spotted her husband, Don, in the yard first, closer to the fence.  Based on two years of over-the-fence observation, I’ve reached the conclusion that Ann and Don’s yard is governed by a neat division of labor – Ann tends her teaming flowerbeds and Don putters in his vegetable garden.  Both the beds and the garden put ours to shame, but John and I comfort ourselves by remembering that the Ann and Don are retired and not raising four young children. 

I’ve noticed a similar division of labor in their approach to the neighborly business of fence-side small-talk – Ann engages freely in extended conversation over a wide range of topics, and Don does not.  Drawing Don to the fence to even ask a question is like pulling teeth.  Attempt more and he’s clearly uncomfortable.  

One day last summer, when we were integrating our second round of chicks into our well established flock, the twins discovered one of the chicks named America, trapped tight in the far corner of the run.  “She’s dead!  America’s dead!” they cried, running into the house and pulling me out into the yard.  Bending down to examine the chick I discovered a large bloody gash in her neck.  It looked, in fact, like she’d been decapitated.  I wasn’t sure what to do, and, more importantly, I didn’t want to deal with the dead bird alone while Isaiah and Levi ran enthusiastic circles around me. 

Standing up, I looked down toward Ann and Don’s yard hoping for help.  I caught a glimpse of Don and approached casually under the guise of commiserating but seriously hoping to convince him to take care of the dead bird.  Don, however, proved resilient in the face of my woman-in-distress ploy. 

“Oh,” he said, “that’s too bad.”  He didn’t offer to help, and, knowing it wasn’t his responsibility, I couldn’t bring myself to ask.  I would deal with the bird myself. 

When I got back to the chicken tractor I bent down again for a closer examination.  The twins, bored already with death, had wandered off and in their absence, I noticed the rise and fall the chick’s fluffy feathers.  She was still breathing, a clear sign she had not, in fact, been decapitated.  I walked into the run and reached into the far back corner where she was huddled.  Pulling her out and tucking her to my chest, I realized she was pecked up pretty badly but likely to survive.  After a few days of isolation and over-the-counter antibiotic ointment, she was on the mend, and I had learned not to expect Don to play the Knight in Shining Armor.   

So I wasn’t looking to talk to Don Saturday morning, I was looking for Ann.  I spotted her on the far side of their yard wearing shorts and tall black polka-dotted rain boots.  Easily forgetting she’s close to 70 years old, I watched as she pushed a wheelbarrow full of mulch around to her flower beds.  Seeing my approach, she made a bee-line to the fence, and we chatted about summer and the gigantic addition being added to a house on the hill behind our house.  While we talked, Isaiah and Levi ran over yelling, “Miss. Ann!  Miss. Ann!”  They climbed briefly up and down the fence, lapping up her attention, then trotted off to play again. 

The reason I walked down to the fence was that I needed someone to talk to.  The night before John and I had found out that dear friends of ours were separating, and our hearts were broken.  When our chit-chat wound down, I told Ann about it.  She affirmed the real pain of a marriage ending and how sad it is for everyone involved, sharing stories from her experience with the divorces of people she knows. 

So many of the married friends John and I share got married at the same time we did.  We knew, even then, that the odds were high that many of us would not stay married.  And yet now, some 15 years later, it still seemed impossible that some of our friends were entering into a post-marriage stage of life.

“Maybe we’re naïve,” I said, “I’m almost 40.  I don’t understand how these things still catch me by surprise.”  What I really couldn’t understand was why it hurt so badly – hurt to see our friends in such complete and utter pain, hurt to be unable to fix it for them, to only be able to stand by watching, listening, and praying. 

Turning back to face our yard, I noticed the Polish hens and asked Ann if she’d seen them.  She said she had but couldn’t really tell much about them since they were penned up in the run on the far side of our yard.   “Do you see the fluff-headed ones?” I asked, my eyes following the Polish hens as they pecked along the perimeter of the netting. 

“Yeah, kinda,” she said, “but not very well.” 

I described them for her in detail, painting a picture of their fluffy white pom-pom heads and lacy gray-black feathers.  As I talked, I felt love for them rise in my chest despite the distance between us. 

Later in the day, I told John about my conversation with Ann, about how I thought maybe we were just naive.  But I also told him something I had realized while standing at the fence watching those baby hens from a distance.  “I loved them,” I said, “even from all the way across the yard, and I guess if you’re the kind of person who can fall in love with a Polish hen, then life’s gonna hurt.” 

“What do you mean?” he asked. 

“There’s no separating the two,” I said.  “It’s like the words on that painting hanging in the upstairs hallway, “Love wide; make your way with an open heart.”  Loving a Polish hen is loving with an open heart, and an open heart’s gonna get hurt.  But an open heart also has access to the kind of joy that helps in the middle of the hurt.”

Some days, I think that’s the most we can hope for – enough joy to carry us through the hurt.  Maybe also, if we’re lucky, we might find a sturdy fence to lean on and a neighbor willing to listen for a few minutes or more.

(Like this story?  Want to read more?  Pop over now to order a copy!)


*   *   *


Today, I'm giving away two Prize Packages.  Two lucky winners will receive a signed copy of "Chicken Scratch" AND a "Chicken Poop" lip balm.  (For the record, the lip balm contains NO poop and only natural ingredients like avocado oil, beeswax and jojoba oil.)  Check out the Rafflecopter below to enter to win.  Winners will be announced next Sunday.  

a Rafflecopter giveaway

*   *   *



Welcome to the #SmallWonder link-up.  

What if we chose to deliberately look for small moments of wonder, the small sparks of presence, of delight or sorrow, of true humanity in which we meet God?  

That's my proposal - that we gather here each week to share one moment of Wonder from each of our days.  You're invited to link-up a brief post about a small moment of wonder.  Don't worry if your post is too long, too short, or not just right - you're welcome to come as you are.  

While you're here, please do take a look around and encourage at least one other blogger with a comment.  Thanks for being part of our community!  

The Night Will Hold You

(This picture was taken by my husband - the night sky over the corn field 
across the street from us - isn't he amazing?) 


When the grief you carry 
wears your face into a thousand 
heavy lines, when the sadness 
feels like a knife splitting 
your very body in two, 
night will come at last. 

With the children tucked safe 
in their beds, you will stand 
in the doorway of your own 
darkened room and the night 
will welcome you with its wide, 
and gentle embrace.  

How can I explain that this 
is what you need, what you 
have waited for, this knowing 
that the darkness is nothing 
to fear?  You will lie down 
on your bed, half curled 
around the old, old wound, 
with your face turned toward 
the windows.  Weeping, 
your eyes will search 
outlines of trees, the few 
bright stars captured in your 
window’s frame.  

Now that you are no longer afraid, 
the night will hold you with its velvet 
love, the emptiness of the darkness 
sidling up against you as the well 
of grief pours out. 

“There's something comforting 
about the darkness,” you will tell 
your husband when he finds you there. 
Instinctively, like the night, he will curl 
himself around you offering not words, 
but himself to hold you, his flesh 
echoing in physicality the sweet 
silent night that draws you close.   

This post is linked with Playdates with God and Unforced Rhythms.

To Mend a Broken Heart




Flowers help, cut or wild
blooms of vibrant hue,
also time rolled out in long
stretches like bolts of cloth.

Air is essential, as well as stories
that name in some way the sharp
corners of your pain.

You will want to lay down
on the floor, to feel something
solid beneath your brokenness,
like a hand holding the pieces
of a shattered vase. 

Be gentle: offer yourself 
a cup of tea, a book, a candle lit
in silence. Tuck small 
moments of beauty and joy
into your heart like a poultice 
to draw out the pain.

If you're able, wake up
before the sun rises.  Allow
your day to begin and end
in the quiet dark.  Then watch
for the way the light breaks
through differently each day; 
witness the miracle
of night’s passing until 
you believe it's true.  

(Photo Source: Here. ) Linking today with Playdates With God.

The Mercy and the Little Kernels of Gold

For as the heavens reach beyond earth and time, we swim in mercy as in an endless sea. 
(Psalm 103:11)

//

We sat together in sunny silence as snow lay all around like a smooth and glassy sea and over the waters of white danced the songs of the birds.  Full-throated notes tipped and turned, floating, flitting in a chorus of call and response. 
 
"Did you know," she asked, "that birds only sing when mating season approaches?"  

This was after the first snow, unexpected, and before the next that buried us under layers of flowing white adorning creation like a bride on her wedding day.  Those birds whispered and whistled songs cloaked in the bright rainbow of spring's hues even as we waded through a world turning from white to white again.  

It was as though they knew, as though they believed in something more than what was seen.  

Those birds and their songs, guided by a wider light, a deeper knowing that arose from somewhere beneath the surface of things, like the tiny shoots emerging green from their winter beds pressing like notes against the underside of all that snow and ice.

//

The notion that God is absent is the fundamental illusion of the human condition.  Thomas Keating

// 

If you were to ask me what one thing (though in truth, there are many) I'll carry with me from our time of waiting for a home, this is what I would say:  this waiting has stretched me open wide, this gestation in the land of not-knowing, in the depths of winter's long dark.  

I have learned, am learning still, to endure the pause between call and response, to open to the space between what is and what will be and to sink down into what is there, to trust in the slow unfolding. 

//

I saw how time - all our times - are contained in something bigger: a space that is none other than the Mercy itself.  . . . And in that Mercy all our history - our possible pasts and possible futures, our lost loved ones and children never born - is contained and fulfilled in a wholeness of love from which nothing can ever be lost. - Cynthia Bourgeault in Mystical Hope

//

Maybe it's like this - the way two dancers move together across the floor, arm in arm, leaning, shifting, moving in perfect rhythm each with the other.  Such unity is a beauty to behold.  But perhaps, in truth, the real test comes, when they break apart, swirling off into separate spheres for a time.  Dancing across the floor, not touching, yet held together by the rhythm and even, also, by the space between.  

There are times in which we are asked to dance the wild, wondering dance of faith in the absence of what we long for.  What tune will guide us then, what rhythm move our feet?

If we were able to sink through the terror that comes in the absence of knowing, the blinding white that flies in the face of spring's arrival, would we not also, like those dancers, find some deeper rhythm holding, leading, guiding our feet?  And might not also the very space created by our longing be a reminder of that to which we belong, the One with whom we dance?

//

Take away everything else down to that point of final destruction, and the last little bit that's left before destruction, a little kernel of gold which is the essence of you - and there is God protecting it . . . And this is something terrific. - Thomas Merton


//

Author Cynthia Bourgeault speaks of this underlying unity as the Mercy, by which she means God - not a god who dwells apart or above, but the God who surrounds, holding us all as swimmers in a vast and spacious sea.  Merton speaks of this as the protecting presence of God, this presence that holds the truth of every created thing - those tiny glimmering kernels of gold - protecting and preserving so that nothing is ever lost.  

Maybe this is what the birds know, deep within their breasts.  

Maybe this is what guides their singing, living, loving, the light that warms them long before spring's unfolding. 

//

You are not lost, dear ones, you are held, though you may not yet be aware of it. 

This Mercy, this tender mercy, it is the key to endurance, the doorway to hope, the promise of joy in the midst of deep and tragic sorrow.  

I have only waited for a little thing - a house, a home, a promise - and maybe this song I sing seems as foolish to you as the voices of the birds did that snowy day.  What can I say to convince you?  

There are not words, my friends. 

So I'm singing today in the face of winter, singing from a place I'm coming to know, lifting notes that crack and fail to carry just as often as they sometimes soar.  I'm singing this song of hope in the waiting, pressing these tender shoots of green against the snow and ice, dancing these slow, strange steps with a Partner I cannot always see.

Spring will come, love will unfold, and when it does, you will be found in its midst, held, protected, embraced.  

Linking this week with Laura,   Jennifer, and later in the week, Diana.

Biding the Shadows of Advent

I am still running from that knowledge, that eye, that love from which there is no refuge.  For you meant only love, and love, and I felt only fear, and pain.  So once in Israel love came to us incarnate, stood in the doorway between two worlds, and we were all afraid.
                                                              - Annie Dillard in Teaching a Stone to Speak


My emotions rise as we settle into church and I excuse myself to get a cup of tea.  He catches me as the water pours, hot, into a thin paper cup.  The tea bag leeches black and one innocuous question is enough to break my thin veil of composure. 

I mumble something, voice breaking and the oceans that spring from my eyes speak their own words without words and this man doesn't turn away or try to cover over the awkwardness of the moment, but instead leans in. 

We stand talking in the middle of the refreshments, my friend and I, and it's not the words that matter, but the fact that he doesn't turn from my tears, doesn't deny the reality of the pain I feel over what should be such a simple thing.  When the service breaks, my husband joins us and the pain pours out yet again, welling up around us as we three tread water in its depths.

The prophet Isaiah describes the coming Christ as "a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief" and the tiny babe born on a starry night grew into a man who drew the weak, weary and heavy-laden to himself, attracting those whose lives contained enough tears to wash his very feet.

It should be no wonder then, when in the midst of our waiting, we feel the dark corners of our own hidden grief beginning to come undone.  As we approach the light to come, our sense of the shadows both within and without, deepens.   

The only way I know to move through this pain is to look it in the eye, to drink the cup of sorrow and swallow it down whole or, as my friend would say, "to get down and roll around in the mud with it."  In his book, Let Your Life Speak, Parker Palmer says "the only way out is in and through," and here I am taking the dark and long road down and through these oceans depths of grief that are at once both old and new.

But it is here in the darkness, also, that voice of the angel comes, always - "Do not be afraid."

Do not be afraid.

Do not be afraid.

Here in deep shadows, spread wide like the velvety night sky, this is where the angel greets us who dare to tarry awhile, this is where the Christ child is born.

(For another reflection on the presence of grief during Advent, visit Laura Boggess' post at The High Calling  The Bread of Tears, "The season is bittersweet for some. Hearts are cognizant of empty places: loved ones departed, emotional estrangement, abandoned dreams, disappointments, and fears. Absence creates a presence that we carry with us as we rush to and fro during Advent. And we ask ourselves, how can a season of such joy also spark this kindred sorrow?")

Laughter and Tears (for Mother's Day)

“We’re thinking about having another baby,” I said, keeping my hands at two and four on the steering wheel and glancing over at my mother who sat holding her purse in the passenger seat. 

We were a little over a month into her diagnosis and several weeks into chemo.  Instead of our annual birthday visit filled with fourth of July parades and fireworks, we were driving North, into unknown territory, following vague directions to a wig shop we hoped would be open.   
I explained how we would like our kids to be close in age and so were thinking about a second pregnancy soon and my Mom offered her blessing, but looking back, that wasn’t what I was really looking for. 
“I’m afraid I’m going to be nine months pregnant and you’ll be in the hospital somewhere and I won’t be able to be with you,” I said, asking without asking what I really needed to know – did she think she was going to be ok?  Was it safe to go on living life? 
The wig shop was closed but we stopped anyway, leaning and peering in the windows like children outside a candy store.  Wigs hung on the far wall of the darkened room, including a huge head of wildly curly hair several feet long that we joked about as we drove to the second shop on our list, Elvira’s.
Elvira’s was clearly an African-American hair salon, but we went in undaunted and Elvira herself served up the compassion we needed, showing us several styles of wigs and color swatches.  It was funny, the thought of my mother wearing a wig prepared by a woman named Elvira of all things and we laughed as we drove home, joking, because it was the only way to avoid crying. 
She told me you never know what’s going to happen in life, she could walk out in front of a truck tomorrow and be killed, any of us could.  She hoped she would survive, hoped the cancer would be cured, but she didn’t know and couldn’t know for sure. 
It was a true answer, truer and braver than the one I’d wanted. 
*   *   *   *
“Is she going to make it?” she asked in a stage whisper after my Mom left the room to use the bathroom. 
That same weekend we drove an hour to a "Look Good, Feel Better" session suggested by the oncology center.  We sat alone in the wide, empty parking lot of a large gray school building waiting for someone, anyone to arrive.  Disappointingly, there would be no class of women gathering together, bonding to fight cancer with beauty and self-esteem, just my mother and I and a middle-aged woman who showed up late and apologetic and, later, her friend.
We sat in a cramped dressing room that reminded me of my days in theater and a woman in tight, revealing clothes gave my mother a makeover – my mother who grew up in the conservative south and bought her first tube of lipstick late in life.  We both sat submissive, desperate, as this young stranger kept up a steady stream of chatter, applying layers of makeup while explaining the effects of chemo on skin and lips and hair. 
We practiced tying scarves to cover the hair-loss that was imminent and my Mom tried on a wig or two.  The stranger gave her scarves and hats and a complimentary make-up bag.
Her question left me speechless and I stared at her blankly before mumbling a diagnosis. 

“A lot of them don’t, you know,” she added, as if by way of explanation and I quickly arranged myself in a hopeful posture, coloring the situation beautiful even if it wasn’t. 
*   *   *   *
I shaved my mother's head on her birthday, as best as I can remember, though it may have been a day or two before or after.  Her hair dresser had offered to, but I convinced her to let my husband buy a set of clippers from the pharmacy and we shaved it in her upstairs bathroom. 
She sat on the old computer chair under the bright light and whirring fan.  She hadn't wanted me to cut her hair and when I asked her why she said she was afraid it would be too upsetting for me. 
There's no sparing the upset, though, when cancer's involved and I said I knew it might be upsetting, but that it was better than thinking of her getting it cut without me in the back room of a beauty parlor.  
This is what love does, I guess.  It travels with, even through the vallies of darkness and death, using laughter and tears to crack open and water these most dry and desolate lands.
We joked and cried our way through cancer and I did get pregnant and bore that baby on the same day my mother received the stem cell transplant that saved her life in a hospital some five hundred miles away.  April 12, 2008 we each lay in hospital beds in separate states nursing new life that had already been nurtured through laughter and tears.   
I didn’t know then what I do know now, that laughter is the seed of hope and tears the rain that nourishes the fragile seed.  If we will but wait, hope grows into a tree that bears us in its leafy shade through every moment of joy and sorrow.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom, You're one of the strongest and bravest women I know!  I'm so glad you "made it!"
My Mom, my daughter and I two years post transplant.

Linking with Laura and Jennifer.

Manhunt


Manhunt

Driving through
the morning’s round of drop-offs
the radio tells of man
hunting man
and I watch as magnolia trees
drop great showers of
silky, blushing blooms.

Spring is the foolish season
whose beauty we cannot long endure
so the trees, in their gracefulness,
weep their soft and silent petals
knowing we’ll need their leafy shade
to hide us from the searing sun.

So much beauty falling on the silent earth,
so much beauty fallen.